Well, Matty, I don't know what to say! You are happy about the car, but unhappy about work... But I don't know any sites that you could use for your car...

But I hope your work doesn't shut down, because then you can't do the thing you love, you can just sit at home and play Oblivion, which is what you are usually doing every time I talk to you! lol!

But what ever makes you happy, makes me happy!

XxXStephXxX

This entry is slightly balanced. Awesome to hear about the car, not so awesome to hear about work. Ermm.. I do not know what to say about either subject as I have no idea about cars or your job. But I will say you sound excited about the car and it seems as though they did it for a very good price. That is EXCELLENT (yes, I did feel the need to put it in capitals). But work sounds sh*tty and so I hope things look up.

Thanks a bunch for the note. It really, truly lifted my spirits. I may have to take you up on your offer of talking one day Haha. And thanks for the quotes. I like them.

Take care,

Jax

Thanks for the comment. As for you mister, the best thing you can do is to change yourself into the person you want to be. Do for yourself before you do for anything else. Statistically (at least as history shows) there are a shortage of men in this world so you have no worries finding a girl one of these days. I wouldn't rush into a relationship, you don't want to get heartbroken again. Just do things to yourself that you want. If you want to lose weight, go ahead. If you want a new haircut, be my guest. Don't do it for a girl, though. You'll end up changing yourself for a girl and then they'll control you. In the end you'll end up miserable because she's ordering you around all day or she'll break your heart because you're not "good" enough for her. You have to do you and wait for the right one to stroll along and like you for you.

You'll be fine. You seem like a great guy.

Matty... you are perfect just the way you are... and I wouldn't change you for the world! and you don't have to lost weight because you are gorgeous! And if I lived in Australia I'd date ya!

You just have to have a little bit more self confidence!

Like you said to me, you give all the advice, but you never use it! Stop thinking about everyone else for a change!

I love you just the way you are!

XxXStephXxX

This is... kind of sweet. It sounds like you're one of the good guys, there aren't many good guys out there. Any girl would be lucky to have you as their boyfriend. I guess you just  haven't found her yet.

RYN: Yeah, I guess it is a bit unlucky. Ahh well. It will pass.

Take care,

Jax

Well, if she is as much as a bitch as you say, then I probably would attack her too! hehe... like I said, you haven't seen the real me yet! Lol!

Anyways, you will find your soul mate, I been telling you how much you mean to me as a mate, and if people see you like I do, then it won't be long Matt!

XxXStephXxX

Wow... that's quite a saga... I'm sure that you'll find your soul mate. Apparently, you're more likely to find your soul mate once you've stopped looking.

Thanks for your note. Why do I get depressed? Just lucky, I guess.

Take care,

Jax  

I'm so sorry about the car and the way you're feeling. It really sucks. But it takes true strength to push on, it truly does.

I'm very glad you found those words inspirational...

Take care of yourself,

Jax

I believe in you... you should know that! hehe... you know how alike but unalike we are!! and I think you need to know that I do believe in you and if you ever need anyone to talk to then I am here!

Everything is mental. Weird enough when you see a happy person it's because they choose to be happy. It's not that life panned out better for them. Everything's a choice I guess. When I was sick all the time and depressed, I just got fed up with being unhappy, so I got rid of everything and everyone in my life that made me unhappy and focused on being selfish in that sense. I was even called selfish by my ex, but I didn't care because I needed to be happy. I was so focused on pleasing other people and making others happy that I lost track of my own self needs to the point where I didn't know who I was anymore. The only thing I could say is that I like chocolate. I sat down one day and thought about all these things I thought I liked and what I didn't like. I tried to open my mind up more to certain things to see what I liked most. I'm still doing it, I was attempting to fly a plane in a high tech flight simulator (controls and all ) just to see if I would want to be a pilot instead of a businesswoman.

It's all about where you want your mind to be. In order to be strong, I guess you have to get out of the comfort zone you're in right now by trying to do something that you're not used to doing. I started by taking an accounting class when I suck at math. I was then exposed to the business world and I love it. Normally I would probably never dreamed about living by myself at the age I am right now, but I decided that I needed a change and it worked out perfectly.

Truthfully and honestly, in every aspect of life, you can only do what you allow yourself to do. Everything, sports, music, art, careers, and life is mental. If you want your life to change, you have to change your mindset and that's the hardest part.

That's about all I could tell you. Keep ridin' big pimpin'.

Ohhh yay, i'm not the only one who reacts like this... sometimes lmao. Awesome song on your diary entry :). i actually stopped my jb cd to lsiten to it lmao... which i rarely do. Your right you should wish to be stronger, because even if crappy stuff happens you'll probs be able to take it better.

Laters Ciara x

I'm sorry about your PS3 and your loneliness. Someone gave me a good tip for overcoming loneliness: distract yourself. Do something creative, watch TV, surf the internet, play cards, write, read, etc.

"Life always works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out, it isn't the end"

Yes, water restrictions DO suck! We are on stage 4.

Take care,

Jax

I've been to Adelaide once... it's a nice place. We need more rain where I live too. I think most places in Australia need more rain tough

-Jax

I live in a small country town in Victoria. It's about halfway between Adelaide. Do you live in Adelaide?

-Jax

I'm glad that you included pictures because otherwise I would have no idea what it would look like lol. It should look good when you're finished with it.

Thanks for your note

Take care,

Jax

Driving on hills here remind me of going up one road up the side of a mountain with no rails to catch you on a bus that has summer tires on it. Yeah, that freaked me out when that happened. I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling. That probably doesn't make any sense.

Anywho, I know what you mean about the whole advice thing. It's kind of funny that my friends come to me for advice when I have never really been in that kind of a relationship before, so I tell them what's logical whether it hurts their feelings or not. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what I tell them, because I make them feel better anyway. I usually change the subject, and then they don't even realize that they're laughing instead of crying. I'm good at that.

Ahh I'm sorry about your loneliness. And about the guy who died.

I like the rain too.

Thanks a lot for your note.

-Jax

Thanks for your comment.  Sorry about your modd swings, they're not very fun to say the least. I hope they're normal too.

"And as for your comment, not an average girl is good, it means your more interesting" Haha!! Thanks

Take care,

Jax

No problem. I usually have to make up things to look foreward to. Even if I really don't look foreward to doing it sometimes. Like this whole doctor thing is just something for me to look foreward to even though I'll be in school till I'm 30 and I hate school anyway.

Or I look foreward to coming home from work. I don't know little dumb stuff that make me happy increments of the day at a time.

And thanks for the birthday wish. I don't know if I'm looing foreward to being 20 or not, but I guess I don't have much of a choice do I?

Anywho, everyone's a failure at most things, but you just got to see what you love doing the most and work to be great at it. Hell, I'm a business student and I suck at math. I enjoy learning about business though. I guess you have to search for your potential. No one can be perfect at their best attribute but they can work to become great at it. Right? At least that's one of my philosophies anyway. Haha, philosophy, that's a good one.

Other people can't truly know how we're feeling and how much we are actually applying ourselves.

Thanks for your note! About the depressed thing... yeah, I think that's what happened.

Haha... I love Grand Theft Auto and I don't mind Gran Turismo. I guess I'm a but weird like that, not your average girl.

Take care,

Jax

See, I just wrote this long comment and my computer f***ed up on me and now I have to try and remember what I wrote. Computers just hate me because I hate them. Sons of bitches. Lol, on my computer at work I renamed Microsoft Excel "Demon Program." I'll probably have to change it before I leave, and I hope I remember. . .

Anywho, I wrote that I try and think positively most of the day to make life suck less. Music helps me throughout the day. It can really impact my mood so I am careful to what I listen to sometimes. Like when I am happy, but want to listen to rock I listen to Mama by My Chemical Romance. Any of the other songs I usually listen to when I'm angry. Maroon 5 I listen to when I'm happy. When I feel sexy I listen to Say It by Ne-Yo.

Mostly I plan for the future so I have something to look foreward to. I write everything down so I'll be able to look at it and revise it and make things seem more real. They are more likely to happen that way too, so I am told. Hey, I looked back and saw that I wanted this job, and I got it. I should have erased it, lol, I'm just kidding.

Oh! Reading about other people's problems helps. I'm like, "Damn, at least I didn't have a one night stand with a sexy dude and he followed me to a different city and is trying to kill me," or "Dag man, at least I didn't marry a control freak who killed the father of my baby and is sleeping with the chief of police to cover it up."

I guess those are just suggestions to write in your book, lol.

A lot of that I can agree with. I like video games... what video games do you like to play? I get very obesessed with video games though.

Oh, how did you arrive at 78 things?

Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

Haha...

Awww... Matty!

I would come and rub it all better for you! But I kinda can't because you are in Australia and I am in England! Ooo... well!

X-Avenged-Romance-X

I couldn't tell you what I would do if I was walking down the street and saw my ex. I would probably either a) run the other way like I was in the Olympics or b) ask, "How the hell did you get to America?" I'm going with option A even though I hate running. When the time comes I'm all up for it :-)

[reankay]

Well... Matthew... you are pretty unorganised aren't you if it is tomorrow! Haha

Well... I will tell you what... clean your room first and I might consider decorating your room! hehe!

Thanks for the comment.I'll return the favor.

Ha.i need to clean my room soon, i probably will later today, because its raining here too, and i always get in the mood for cleaning whenever it does.rain.kicks.ass.ahaha

ohhh,and i love that song!

love.Maddbreakup

The constant beating of the raindrops to the pavement, the trees, the rooftop, the window panes, and the door frames is what relaxes me I guess. Sometimes I like to turn off all the lights, TVs, and anything else that makes noise and listen to it. Makes me imagine and dream.

Before I go out and shop for anything, I would have to sit down and write down everything I'm going to buy. Usually I come up spending less than was anticipated. Most of the time I just end up going somewhere with the thought of it and then spending more than what I intended. For example, I went to the store 5 minutes ago thinking, "Okay, bread and a healthy snack." I came out with bread, a package of chocolate chip cookies and a box of Dunkaroos. Yeah, those were not on my mental list, lol.

so you like to ride then aye ! cough cough {X} how fast !:P lmfao whats your limit i must say im more of a thrill seeker than a nerd if i may say so my self ! hold on to your seat and make sure u have a head helmet on cusz im sure its gonna be one hella of a bumpy ride !!

    love sarah PS: its good to now some1 eles feels as dum as i doo shows i ant lossen my mind <3x

Have fun tomorrow!

RYN: Gotta love that Grey Goose!

the racing thing sounds totally awesome.

I hear that a lot but for some reason it doesn't seem to change things. which kinda sucks. but thanks

I see, I see. This is sort of like a war between the two fighters.

For the truth, though, if a manager refuses to give an employee leave for a funeral/death of a relative (at least in America I know this) then the employee can sue the company. It's a law here that you have to give employees leave for certain things. Vacations, deaths/funerals, medical, etc. I would be banking if that were me, lol. Thank you unions back in the day.

Battle on brave warrior. Defeat the lower class manager villigently for all of us little people!

I played Spyro for the first time in 3 monts today and I magically beat the Scorpian Robots! Yay! But now there's a floating Pirate ship blowing fire and sh*t at me that I can't beat. Oh well, another 3 months will go by before I decide to beat that one, lol.

Have fun bumming!

You'll run into a girl who thinks your adorable, not ugly. Who thinks your clumsiness is cute and will pursue you to get you to talk more to her. Then you'll find out that your ex-girlfriend is nothing compared to her and she's probably closer than you think.

But I do understand the whole conversationalist thing. I'm not good at conversations either. At least with people I first meet face to face. The most someone might get is a hand shake and "nice to meet you too." If I could write out every conversation I will ever have with anyone I would, then talking to people would be easier.

Once I get comfortable with someone, though, they might not want to know me anymore. Once I'm comfortable, I don't really pay attention to what I say anymore. Someone might ask, "Rean, what's wrong?" and I would say, "Sometimes I wish I was sexually active. Especially right now." Then they act all shocked like I never said something like that before.

Works pretty crappy for me atm.

Hope it gets better for you.

3 Days Grace <3

x

nahh lol ur kindA HWT  so just blank thy bitches !lol hows u these days ant herd of ya ina ages

x

Ahh... dreams. Apparently, they're basically a story about what you had been thinking about that day.

Thankyou for your comment. Yes, it does suck

Take care,

Jax

yeh but what ever u do plz do no cut ur self it doesnt help!!

and i know how u feel about the anger and its true the work does not help

also thanks for the comment but i have  a lot to lose :(

x

When I become the next Bill Gates (Warren Buffet now), I'll probably still be writing in this blog, lol.

Just think of your boss as a hater. The more haters you have, the higher your status. Your boss counts as 2 because he's an old hater, lol. Haters are a key element to getting what you want out of life. They don't believe you can amount up to their status.

Most of my haters are grown folks, because they raised their kids wrong and now they're pregnant, have kids, or druggies or they hate on me because of my last name. It reflects success in my town : )

Yeah, people take too much time judging others than actually getting to know them. For instance, most people look at me and think that I'm a sweet young girl who has a lot going for her and a lot of potential. They've thought that about me my whole life. The turn and look at my sister and see a ghetto queen who's only achievement will to become a manager at McDonalds. People have thought that about her our whole lives.

Because they thought that about me when I was a little girl (and I knew they did) I took advantage of that and purposly got my sister and other family around my age in trouble on purpose because I knew they would never think it was me.

They would never think I dated an African guy on the Internet for 3 years, but I did. I won't tell them that until I get married, though, lol. They would never think that a year ago I wanted to kill myself and that I hated the world and was bitter towards everyone. I just faked being happy to make others get off my back.

And even now, when their judgement may seem to be right, people would never think that I'm mostly lazy, I hate college, and all I really wanted in life was to work at a boring regular job with a high school diploma, marry a boring regular guy, have boring regular kids, and live in a boring regular house in a boring regular neighborhood. That's all I've ever wanted.

Anyway, I got off topic a little. People suck, that's about it.

hey there hows you been lol ive just been whatching shrooms omg heart frilling horror movie loved it and i dont think you a bad guy you seem prity alsome to me maybe your body slang says other wise to others [x] you reali shud put sum pics up of u on here x

thanks for the note!  Haha I hadn't seen the second one yet, i'm glad you put it on here!!!

You are seriously in love with Charlie the Unicorn aren't you! Haha!

Well... I am glad you are happy! Woo!

XxXStephXxX

Or maybe you'll get excellent recomendations to get you out of the deparment. : ) You'll never know what rude people will do.

Oh, thanks about your comment. It seems like it's going good right now. Wait until I go back to school. . . .

Thats a good quote!

yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, thats why they call it the present

Awww... Matty... I am sorry to hear about your Grandmother. .

But your mother shouldn't always depend on you to do things for her... she should do stuff for herself... that is what I learnt!

I hope you feel better soon!

XxXStephXxX

sounds like your mother would drive anyone crazy after 24 hours...

Awwwww... you never told me you got your iPod stolen from you... well... I am glad to hear that you are back on your feet from it!

XxXStephXxX

Hey -

NSW.

My brother had a car, a mazda rotor that he had two of and completely rebuilt into one super car. He just sold it - it's too expensive to upkeep and he couldn't justify it now that he has two kids to feed (and a lousy wife who refuses to consider the idea of working).

Ash

Hey -

Yep. I'm in Aus. I remember it being around .60 and when I lived out in the sticks. People would drive for miles to get it cheaper at 0.58. Lol. Times have changed, huh?

Still. I can complain all I want, but fuel is still a necessity for me. I just have to suck it up and pay what they want.

Ash

Huh. The closest a guy has gotten to introducing himself to me was standing right in front of me and waiting for my mom to introduce him. Which she didn't because she didn't want me to have anything to do with him. At least you give a good effort to try at least to talk to a girl. Kudos for you! Haha, I hate that word. I have no idea why I just used it.

So, picture this. If you were happy, and riding your bike downhill as fast as you can, and suddenly a car cuts right in front of you, would you scream? Swerve? Hit the car? Possibly. I guess you could only find out when you are happy and biking downhill as fast as you can and a car cuts right in front of you. Just a random food for thought : )

[reankay]

Well, I know the cost of living where I live now is higher than where I'm about to live. And, I know just about every currency (I wouldn't be surprised if every currency) is worth more than the US dollar right about now. I'm glad it's an election year.

But, you'll learn how to deal with yourself one day. I know exactly how you're feeling because I felt the same way my freshman and most of my sophomore year of college, but once you figure out that being by yourself isn't as bad as you thought it was, you'll never want to get with someone. Marriage will become frightening. You don't realize how free you'll feel. Knowing that you have no obligation to anyone to try to make them happy all the time, or to try and "work" on your relationship with them. I know that once you'll get with someone, you'll like it or love it, but there is times where you want to be by yourself. And the longer you're with them, the more "me" time you would want to have.

I'm enjoying this single thing while I can, because someone that I know will set me up (like they always do) with someone I do like. Then I'll be stuck. Boo.

I don't know. I do get lonley sometimes, then I think about being married with kids, then that feeling floats away. I would rather hang out with Pimp Big Stacks gettin' that paper. I'm sorry. I just finished watching my favorite TV show.

Huh, well no one could prepare for something like that. Most people probably think they could deliver in a fight, but when you get jumped by two people unexpectingly, then you really don't know what to do. Everyone tells you to do whatever they tell you to do, just as long as you have your life in the end.

I can just say that Pimp Big Stacks would probably throw one of his hoes at them and say, "she's free tonight!"

This experience was traumatic for certain. Be aware that traumas sometimes have long lasting effects and don't try to deny the feelings that rise to the surface from this experience long after this has happened.

As a victim of criminal violence, you might benefit from a victims support group. Your main goal would be to find where your power lies and to stop feeling like a victim, but that may take work.

If there has been no violence in your area up until now, then it's understandable that you felt safe being out after dark alone. However, if violence does even on occasion occur near where you live, you must remain cautious and vigilant at all times.

Solitary runners who visibly wear iPods mark themselves as potential victims because iPods are popular, expensive, and easy to steal. In addition listening to iPods creates distraction from concentrating on the environment one is in. Expensive running shoes are also frequently reasons for violent robberies.

The three people you passed were bullies and thugs looking for a victim whom they could render helpless. The darkness and the isolation of the setting (was the oval isolated or were others around where they could have witnessed and perhaps helped?) provided them the cover to get away with violence against you. Nothing you could have done short of being a martial arts expert could have prevented what happened. You were right not to resist because resistance might have escalated the attack.

You don't need advice about what to do with regard to running in the future, because you now know what you must do. I hate to scare you further, but do be cautious around your home. Since this happened so close to home, you may run into your attackers again. Remain observant and if you do notice their reappearance, call the police. Also do not enter your building from the street when you are aware that they can observe and learn where you live. Instead seek protection elsewhere.

I've heard advice that one should always carry a few dollars at a time so that one has something to hand over in case one is robbed. That way they don't assume the victim is hiding money elsewhere on them and therefore resisting their demands.

----------------------------------

I originally came to your diary in response to your comment in Prosper's diary. If you look up the Spanish and Italian translations of the English word "black," you will find the origin of the slang word about which you were asking. The word "Negro" was once the predominant respectful way to refer to blacks in United States society prior to the 1960's (and even today many blacks consider the word "Negro" respectful since the term would be used as Caucasion or Asian might be used. The Civil Rights Movement included efforts to instill attitudes of pride and self determinism among those blacks who felt beaten down by racism. The term "black" was chosen by various black leadership groups to replace "Negro" in popular usage because it was felt that the once neutral word "Negro" had been imposed on African-Americans by whites and through the dialect of the American South had been distorted to other slurred pronunciations which were often used in derogatory ways such as the word about which you were wondering why it was used at all. I'm also guessing that the word "black" expressed an equality in a culture that referred to Caucasions as "white" and posted signs in some public places proclaiming "white only."

Hey -

Thanks for sharing about your day.

What a bunch of a**h***s. I feel really sad reading about this. What right do they have to do that to you? To take something of yours that you have worked to earn. People are f***ing pathetic animals.

Don't feel like a coward. You were the bigger person, not resorting to violence over something so silly. They did that to you knowing that they would win, because there was three of them and just one of you. You have much more integrity in just walking away.

And at the end of the day, integrity is much more valuable than an ipod.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Ash

You're not a coward. You're brave. And why? Because you didn't fought back. Don't sink to their level, it's not worth it. You can do better and you are better. Don't ever let people think you're nothing. Good people exist. You just only have to find them. Don't let those 'bad' people let you down.

Hugs

Funny my entry yesterday was about change.

That's inflation for ya. Ho's gotta keep up with it, too.

And here i am, sitting, smiling about leaving school in 3 weeks, i feel demotivated now I think i'm going to university....

You can't stop grieving someone, you just lock them up in a special place in your heart and sometimes that little place tries to escape and you begin thinking about it...

Some quotes about life:

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. *Anais Nin*

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living. *Bertrand Russel*

I love my PSP-I play it anywhere, waiting in the Dr.'s office, at my lunch at work, at home when I'm bored-lol

I also like Vangaurd-Ever played that?  It's an online game but I luvvv it!

Same here for the final fantasy 10 and 12, i have them, played them and then midway in the game i stopped and i never began playing again  Damn, curse youtube, i looked up the endings so now i can't start p